


Different

by nothingisreal



Category: GP2 Series RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 18:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingisreal/pseuds/nothingisreal
Summary: They’re different. Anybody can tell it’s true. And Artem isn’t blind, he can see it too. He can see it, but he can’t help being drawn to Mitch like moth to flame. It’s going to hurt him sooner or later but he refuses to think about it too much.





	Different

They’re different. Anybody can tell it’s true. And Artem isn’t blind, he can see it too. He can see it, but he can’t help being drawn to Mitch like moth to flame. It’s going to hurt him sooner or later but he refuses to think about it too much.

It all starts off so innocently. They’re teammates, they quickly become friends - or at least Artem thinks they’re friends, looking back at it later, he doesn’t know what Mitch thinks they are - and it’s great -  _ Mitch _ is great. He’s nice and funny and he knows how to make Artem laugh and, as much as Artem doesn’t want to admit he’s noticed at first, he’s fucking hot!

Artem refuses to acknowledge the tiny crush he might have on his teammate. As if not talking or thinking about it would make it any less real. But Mitch is Mitch and there’s no stopping him from getting what he wants. 

As it turns out what he wants is Artem. He manages to break through each of the Russian’s insecurities, all his holdups. He gets past Artem’s walls not by crashing them down but by slowly taking them apart. And Artem feels so secure, he fails to notice how open and vulnerable he’s become around Mitch.

 

***

 

The sheet isn’t really covering anything, only half his leg really, but Artem can’t bring himself to move. Mitch shifts next to him, tugs himself closer to Artem’s side, one arm wrapped around Artem’s chest. Artem is jealous of how Mitch can be sleeping so soundly, so peacefully, while he himself is going out of his mind. It’s wrong. It’s against everything he’s ever been told he should believe in. Not that he actually _has_ ever believed in it. Still, this is something else. They are friends. They are supposed to stay friends. Nothing less, certainly nothing _more_.

“You’re thinking so loud, it woke me up.” Mitch mumbles, his voice muffled from where he’s pressed his lips against Artem’s chest. 

“What are we doing?” Artem whispers back, automatically wraps his arms around Mitch when the Kiwi shifts, pressing himself closer against Artem’s side.

Mitch shrugs. He looks up at Artem who’s determinedly staring at the ceiling without really seeing it. “Hey? Look at me?” 

Artem ignores him and then Mitch is moving up, shifting until his face is in Artem’s line of sight. “You think too much.”

And then he leans down, kisses Artem tenderly and Artem thinks he might start crying with how gentle and loving Mitch is being with him. 

 

***

 

Halfway through the season Artem admits to himself that his feelings towards Mitch may be more than friendly. It takes him another month to admit it to Mitch. Not in so many words though. He doesn’t even say anything about it, only in cryptic sentences and confessions whispered late at night, when Mitch’s breath is slow and even, in a language Mitch doesn’t speak to be sure he doesn’t hear them. 

But Artem stands closer to Mitch now, brushes their hands together, trying desperately not to think that someone might notice. He’s the one to cuddle Mitch now or to kiss him out of the blue, because he feels like it. 

He knows Mitch notices but neither one of them mentions it out loud. Artem thinks it might be better this way, even if the unspoken words burn in his throat each time Mitch undresses him slowly, takes him right to the edge and back, makes him fall apart with his lips and his tongue and his fingers…

 

***

 

He tells Mitch he likes him towards the end of the season. They’re in Moscow and it’s home and Artem feels safe and like he wants to give Mitch the whole world because he deserves it so much just for existing.

The lights below them are beautiful and the air is a bit chilly so Mitch cuddles closer to Artem on that balcony and they’re right in the open, someone could see and Artem just doesn’t care, maybe for the first time in his life when it comes to this. 

And then the words just slip past his lips because he hasn’t been paying attention. Mitch is all laughter and bright eyes, amazed by the city Artem’s grown up in, where half his heart will always be, as cheesy as that sounds, and he just can’t stop himself.

Mitch freezes and it’s so eerily quiet despite the loud traffic and people and all the noises below them - the two of them don’t hear them. Artem is thinking of something to say, of taking it back, even though he’s never said anything that was more true than this. 

Mitch looks at him, soft smile on his face and Artem’s cheeks are still burning but it really doesn’t matter anymore when Mitch comes up to him, tentative hand on Artem’s shoulder as he pulls him down for a kiss and Artem  _ lets him _ …

 

***

 

Something’s off. Artem can’t put his finger on it but he can feel the tension in the air. He doesn’t know if it’s between him and Mitch or one of them and someone else or if he’s maybe just imagining things. 

Mitch still slips into his bed in the evening, Artem still wakes up to Mitch curled around him in the morning. And they still kiss and joke and have fun and it’s all like it used to be. Except it’s not because it’s all fucking wrong!

 

***

 

The Belgian sun is warm on Artem’s face when he wakes up. He groans, turning onto his side. It’s still early, he’s sure he would have heard his alarm go off, so he can just sleep for a bit more. 

When he reaches out, his palm meets only cold sheets, still crumpled and unmade…

 

***

 

Mitch isn’t answering his texts. It’s unsettling in a way other people wouldn’t understand but Mitch  _ always _ answers texts. Even if it takes him several hours.

But this time it’s been two days and Artem tries not to check his phone every five seconds and fails miserably. He has to stop himself from calling Mitch because it’s not something they do.

After the third day has passed, Artem gives up and presses the call button right below Mitch’s name. Feeling his stomach twist painfully he listens to the worrying  _ “The customer you are trying to reach is…” _ before throwing his phone onto the bed and hiding his head in his hands. 

He’s on the other side of the world so all he can do is sit there and watch the slideshow his brain unhelpfully supplies him with of all the terrible things which could have made Mitch turn off his phone.

 

***

 

It’s the middle of the night and Mitch’s half of the bed is empty again. But when Artem forces his eyes to open to check the time, he notices the light through the crack under the bathroom door. And he can hear whispering, with pauses, like Mitch is talking on the phone - at  _ one a.m _ !

He wants to ask if everything’s okay but then Mitch raises his voice and Artem hears snippets of the conversation. Just one sentence but it’s enough to make his blood run cold. When Mitch slides into the bed beside him, Artem pretends to be asleep.

When the dawn breaks hours later he still can’t stop replaying Mitch’s words, whispered in the tone he usually reserves for Artem, suggestive and full of promises. 

“Tomorrow in your room.”

 

***

 

Suddenly, it’s all clear and he must be an idiot, not noticing it until Mitch practically spelled it out for him - unwittingly but nevertheless.

But even so, he still doesn’t want to believe it. He sees the secretive smiles and the whispers and suddenly he’s aware of the two of them just disappearing all of the time. They come back later, grins on their red faces, and there’s always a great excuse. 

They’ve been working out.

They went to grab something to eat.

They were going over data.

There was that movie they just  _ had to _ see.

They went for a short walk…

Each time Artem heard them, his heart broke a little bit more.

 

***

 

“I love you,” Artem whispers one night, in English and perfectly aware of how Mitch can hear him. Mitch’s back goes all stiff where he’s looking for his phone and Artem hears him swallow audibly. 

“I know,” Mitch replies after a long while. 

Artem’s sure Mitch was planning to spend the night with him, at least a part of it, but after that he just collects his clothes and disappears.

Artem thinks that maybe it should be regret he’s feeling but he doesn’t feel guilty. Having said those words… They’re true and he wants Mitch to know. The problem here is that Mitch just doesn’t care...

 

***

 

He tells Alex everything, mad and resigned and more than a bit drunk. And the shock on Alex’s face is enough to convince him he didn’t suspect a thing even without the “I had no idea”. 

Alex looks so guilty and confused and hurt and Artem can sympathise with that, even if it doesn’t help him piece his heart back together.

“We won’t do this anymore,” Alex promises. His hands feel cool on the skin of Artem’s waist, even through his shirt, as Alex holds his weight up, leads him to his room because Artem is maybe a bit  _ too _ drunk to manage on his own. Artem doesn’t mond the strong grip the Brit has on him. It makes him think… things. 

He has the crazy idea that he could kiss Alex. He doesn’t know if he wants to do it but it’s not exactly unappealing. Alex is kind of hot now that he thinks about it… Or is that just the alcohol? He can’t tell.

Maybe all Artem wants is revenge?

Alex helps him undress and puts him to bed and then stays with him the whole night. And Artem just cuddles up to him and cries himself to sleep.

 

***

 

They do stop. It might be for Alex’s sake as much as Artem’s, they both got hurt here. But Artem wonders sometimes if Alex knows how little this will change.

 

***

 

Mitch flirts with Sean like he’d die if he stopped. And Artem just grits his teeth and bears it because he has no right to tell Mitch what to do. Not anymore. He doesn’t think he used have such a right earlier either but he didn’t know it then. He truly believed he and Mitch were… He doesn’t quite know what they were supposed to be… In love? Happy? Together?

He’s aware of how, if he’d asked Mitch to choose, it wouldn’t have been Artem. It could never be him because Mitch wouldn’t let himself be tied down, wouldn’t accept an ultimatum. Love had nothing to do with this.

 

***

 

They’re too different, him and Mitch. Artem has always known that, he just refused to accept it. Maybe he hoped that he could make Mitch stay, that the way he looked at Artem, how he treated him like he thought Artem was the best thing in the world, that maybe it all meant something to him too. Maybe it did? 

Artem thinks he  _ was _ important to Mitch and if everything else was different then maybe they would have had a chance…

But it isn’t so there’s no reason to constantly think of all the ‘what-ifs’. Life goes on. Mitch leaves. They hardly ever see each other anymore. That’s cool, Artem can live with it. At least it spares him the pain of having to look at Mitch and remember how he smiled at Artem or how it felt to cuddle into his chest or his fingers running down Artem’s body, knowing all the right spots… 

Yeah, he doesn’t think about Mitch at all.


End file.
